JOURNAL - NOVEMBER 2, 2005

Every Experience has Two Sides

During the past year, as we have been traveling around the country giving deekshas, many seekers have come to me and said “when I do my meditations, I feel happy and peaceful, and I am able to experience very beautiful states. However, when I go out into the world, I get caught up in the disturbance and fall from this state”. This article addresses this question based on my experiences over the past many years.

During the time period of 1998-2000, I attended many retreats at Satyaloka (one of Sri Amma and Sri Bhagavan’s original centers) during which I received many deep insights and experiences and stabilized in a state of Awareness. Since that time, conflict has been very rare in my life, and life has been very mystical and magical.

In 2004, I went to India for the 21-day process so that I could start transferring this state to others. At this time, my guide said “For the past few years, Bhagavan has been maintaining you in a high state. To maintain this state requires lots of energy. Now it is time for you to see the other side of this state. When you see the state completely in this fashion, there is nothing to be maintained, there is no expenditure of energy, and it will be completely stable”.

My 21-day process went in the following way. I would have a great experience followed by struggle and craving, which would in turn lead to yet another higher experience. This process continued even after the process as well. During the process, I came in touch with humanity’s core fear and insecurity as well and it was very liberating.

All this helped me in the following months as I was able to embrace the dark side (the other side of the experience, so to speak) and in fact started welcoming it-for it was a harbinger of something new, a new aspect of the Divine Presence. It is a time of great cleansing and special closeness to the Divine-a time for the body to rest and undergo changes. When you start seeing it like this, the dark night has very little conflict and lasts for a very short time.

One of the keys is to feel closeness to the Presence. During the “dip”, we frequently feel like the Presence has abandoned us, we are all alone, etc. To begin with, know, at least intellectually, that that is impossible and the Divine is there even when you cannot see it. Then, start to realize that this feeling too is the Divine Presence. There is only God or the Divine everywhere, how can this feeling not be the Presence?

In contrast, when you feel the Presence visibly, “make hay while the sun shines”. Relate to the Presence and get to know It better and ask for the ability to recognize it during the “dips” as well.

As this happens more and more, two things happen. Your craving for peak experiences goes down and you start to experience the Presence in everything. You are holding onto what is there at the moment, not some idea of a state or experience.

Now, I would like to share what happened as a next step. I was discussing the above insights with a friend, Tom Matteo, and while talking to him, I realized that nowadays, the peak and the dip happen together. In other words, when I am feeling high, I am low as well, the two sides have fused. This is a truly stable state, because there is nowhere to go, nowhere to rise to, and nowhere to fall to!

The experience is also so much richer. Before it was like looking only at the top of something-Now it is both the top and bottom-everything is much more complete. What is important is this rising of consciousness and growing closer to the Divine Presence, not how many peak experiences you have had.

The phenomenon has now progressed such that many people simply experience a rise in consciousness without necessarily having peak experiences. I will simply say focus on what is there at the moment and see it as the Divine sees it and do not worry about peak experiences. They will come if necessary. What is important is this growth in consciousness. When it is gradual it is difficult to recognize, it is like growing taller when you were young. You never saw yourself growing, did you? But your skirts, shirts and pants “shrunk” and became too short and that is how you knew you had grown. Similarly, you can see your growth in the way you relate to the world around you.

You may say, “for you it is easy to say, you are feeling the Presence of the Divine, what if I don’t have that faith?” I will say this, if you can pay attention to what is there, whether it is pleasure, pain, sorrow, fear, etc, if you can watch for a moment without projecting causes, solutions, etc, if you can watch with a little softer eyes, without trying to break it and get rid of it, for just a few moments, faith will automatically be born. If you are unable to see with soft eyes, and are trying to change things, see that with softer eyes, since that is what is there!

I pray that you experience the Divine Presence through every part of your journey. Wishing you lots of love and Grace and send us an email if you found this article useful and if you have any questions, comments or insights. We look forward to sharing with you as we progress on this journey.